For a British teenager like me, leaving home to fight in Ukraine was an impulsive decision. I didn't think twice before joining the army volunteers who were eager to defend their country against Russia's invasion. At first, it felt surreal – like a bad dream that would soon become reality.
As time passed on the front lines, however, I began to grasp the harsh truth of war – how scorching cold temperatures could make you shiver in your uniform; how hunger gnawed at your stomach like an insatiable beast. Every meal was a struggle, with food scarce and never enough. The loneliness was suffocating – not just feeling disconnected from loved ones back home but also cut off from my own thoughts.
But perhaps the most chilling experience I had to endure was the weight of PTSD that descended upon me after witnessing unimaginable horrors on the battlefield. It's a burden that no one can prepare you for, one that shakes your core and leaves you feeling like an entirely different person.
I remember the sound of artillery fire in my sleep, the echoes haunting my dreams and rendering me helpless to shake them off. And then there were the recurring nightmares – gruesome scenes from war zones replaying over and over until I couldn't keep them at bay anymore.
As I spoke with CNN about my time on the front lines, it dawned on me that I was not alone in this struggle. Many other soldiers have shared similar experiences – a mix of trauma and isolation that lingers long after they return home. And yet, despite their bravery, few are willing to speak out about what war does to those who fight.
I'm one of them now – speaking my truth, trying to break the silence around mental health in times of conflict.
As time passed on the front lines, however, I began to grasp the harsh truth of war – how scorching cold temperatures could make you shiver in your uniform; how hunger gnawed at your stomach like an insatiable beast. Every meal was a struggle, with food scarce and never enough. The loneliness was suffocating – not just feeling disconnected from loved ones back home but also cut off from my own thoughts.
But perhaps the most chilling experience I had to endure was the weight of PTSD that descended upon me after witnessing unimaginable horrors on the battlefield. It's a burden that no one can prepare you for, one that shakes your core and leaves you feeling like an entirely different person.
I remember the sound of artillery fire in my sleep, the echoes haunting my dreams and rendering me helpless to shake them off. And then there were the recurring nightmares – gruesome scenes from war zones replaying over and over until I couldn't keep them at bay anymore.
As I spoke with CNN about my time on the front lines, it dawned on me that I was not alone in this struggle. Many other soldiers have shared similar experiences – a mix of trauma and isolation that lingers long after they return home. And yet, despite their bravery, few are willing to speak out about what war does to those who fight.
I'm one of them now – speaking my truth, trying to break the silence around mental health in times of conflict.