Dear Abby: I think my new husband has Asperger’s and has been lying to me

Marriage on Shaky Ground: A Husband's Hidden Condition May Be Causing Sleepless Nights for a Young Wife

A two-month-old marriage is taking a hit after an anonymous message revealed her husband may have Asperger's syndrome. The wife, who wishes to remain anonymous, had already suspected something was amiss but didn't know the extent of her husband's condition.

"I'm consumed by anxiety and uncertainty," she admitted in a heart-wrenching letter to Dear Abby. "How could he keep this from me? Did I not notice any signs? Can I still trust him?"

Dear Abby advised caution, warning that anonymous letters often come with malicious intent. Instead, the wife should educate herself about Asperger's and its effects on relationships.

"If what you learn indicates your husband has Asperger's, don't assume he's 'lying' to you," Dear Abby suggested. "He may be in denial. Many individuals on the spectrum lead successful, fulfilling lives."

The writer is torn between her desire for clarity about her husband's condition and her lingering trust issues from a previous relationship with a narcissist.

As the wife weighs her options, she needs to consider whether an assessment will bring relief or exacerbate existing tensions. The good news is that individuals with Asperger's can thrive in relationships, according to Dear Abby.

Meanwhile, another reader is navigating uncharted waters of friendship turned romance. A 32-year-old woman in Kansas has been harboring secret feelings for her best friend and co-worker, who lost her husband two years ago and is now raising a young son alone.

The writer's nervousness stems from their age difference and fear of jeopardizing their close relationship. Dear Abby offered sage advice: start with an open conversation over lunch or dinner, expressing appreciation for the friendship and asking about potential concerns.

If the response is positive, the couple may need to navigate workplace rules regarding fraternization. But even if the answer is no to dating, Dear Abby emphasized that their bond should remain strong.

As two readers tackle complex love stories with varying degrees of clarity, one thing becomes clear: navigating relationships requires empathy, self-awareness, and sometimes a willingness to take calculated risks.

this whole marriage thing is like, so messy ... i mean think about it, if your partner has asperger's, that means their brain works differently, right? so how can you even know what they're thinking or feeling? it's like trying to grasp a slippery fish . and yet we expect them to just be open and honest with us, like it's no big deal . but what if it is a big deal? what if it's something that's been hidden from you because your partner doesn't know how to explain it or doesn't think they need to? it makes me wonder about all the relationships out there where people are hiding behind masks, pretending everything is fine when really it's not. we need to be more understanding and less judgmental, you know?

A guy gets diagnosed with Asperger's after his new wife finds out...
She's really worried 'cause she didn't know what to look for
Like if he hides things or just doesn't talk much
Maybe she should learn more about it before talking
Don't jump to conclusions, be cool, you feel?

Or what if a friend you've had feelings for since forever...
You're too scared to say anything, 'cause of age diff
Or the fear of messing up your friendship
Dear Abby says just talk it out, no need to stress

I'm so worried about this young wife... I mean, I've been there too my ex-husband had some issues with anxiety and depression, and it was super hard on our relationship. But at least he was honest with me, you know? He wasn't hiding anything like that from his mom, though she's the one who knows all about his conditions. Anyway, back to this girl... I think she needs to have a calm conversation with her husband, not go all dramatic and accusatory my friend's sister has Asperger's and it's actually pretty cool once you get to know someone with it they're just wired differently, that's all. And omg, this other girl wanting to hook up with her bestie? yeah, no pressure or anything gotta respect boundaries, but at the same time... who knows, maybe something amazing happens?

can't believe how many ppl r struggling w/ relationship issues nowadays it's like we're all still figuring it out as we go! anyway, i think its so important 4 us 2 educate ourselves about different conditions that might be affecting our partners & friends, like asperger's or anxiety disorders. thats the first step towards creating a more supportive & understanding community and honestly, if u r feeling anxious or uncertain in ur relationship, its totally normal! take some time 4 yerself, talk 2 a therapist, do whatever makes u feel better

I'm not surprised about the wife's husband having Asperger's - all these people are so caught up in their own anxiety . The thing is, it's not just about "not noticing any signs" or being "in denial". It's like, if you're actually struggling with social cues and executive function, that can be super overwhelming for a partner to deal with. I mean, come on, give the dude a break! And what's up with Dear Abby always saying "education" as the solution? Like, it's not that simple . I've got friends with Asperger's who are total rockstars in their own right, and they need support from their partners, not just a crash course on autism .

I've seen this before with my friends, they all think they can just "figure it out" or wait for the other person to spill the beans but honestly, it's not that easy. Like, if you're in a relationship with someone and they have a condition like Asperger's, you gotta be willing to put in the effort to learn about it and support them through it But at the same time, you need to know where you stand and communicate openly about your feelings and concerns It's not just about being "empathetic" but also about being honest with yourself about what you want and need in a relationship

I was just thinking about my favorite food truck that just started serving those crazy-good Korean tacos I mean, have you tried them? They're life-changing! I went there with friends last weekend and we were all raving about the flavors. The owner is this super cool dude who's always experimenting with new recipes... anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, relationships. So I think the key to navigating any relationship is just being willing to learn and grow together . Like, I know someone who met their partner in a book club – can you imagine finding love through literature?