Dear Abby: Mother keeps a tight rein on boy and his grandma

Controlled Grandma's Struggle with Mother-in-Law is 'No' a Lot

A controlling mother-in-law has been leaving her daughter-in-law feeling suffocated after constantly intervening in every interaction between them. The mother, who spoils their toddler grandson, now dictates that the daughter-in-law must ask permission to engage in even the simplest activities with him.

"I have to ask for permission for everything," the distraught daughter-in-law wrote. "She says things like 'no' a lot, which is really exhausting."

However, Dear Abby advises that this controlling behavior may be necessary if the mother wants her son and grandson to maintain a close relationship. The columnist notes that it's unlikely the mother has a competitive reason for dictating every move she makes with the child.

"I'm afraid she does," said Dear Abby, suggesting that sometimes mothers can be overly protective due to fear of their children loving others more than them.

Meanwhile, reception host worried about tipping bartender

A wedding reception host is pondering whether to allow family and friends to tip a bartender who will be paid handsomely by the company. The host, from Nevada, asks what's the protocol for such an occasion.

However, Dear Abby clarifies that even if the bartender receives a salary, it doesn't mean guests shouldn't show their appreciation with a tip – but doing so in a private manner rather than setting up a "tip jar" would be more considerate.

Lastly, potluck dilemma: Can I take leftovers?

A Washington resident asks whether it's acceptable to ask for leftover food from a host if it's not perishable. Dear Abby advises that this is a perfectly reasonable request and even encourages hosts to leave some extra food as an offering for attendees – just be sure to offer some in return.

Overall, the columnist offers practical advice on various social conundrums, reassuring readers that they're never alone when navigating awkward family dynamics or figuring out etiquette in everyday situations.

I feel so bad for the grandma, but honestly, can't she just chill? My own grandma was always super controlling too, back in the day... she'd literally plan out every single detail of our birthday parties and get all upset if we didn't follow her rules. Nowadays, I think it's a bit excessive, especially with that little toddler around. I mean, can't she just let them have some space to breathe? And btw, Dear Abby's advice about the mom being overly protective is spot on... I've seen it happen before! My aunt used to get so clingy all the time, and it was super weird. Anyway, back to the grandma... maybe she needs a chill pill or something .

omg u no what's weird?? i was reading this article about a grandma who thinks she has to control every move her daughter-in-law makes with her grandson like, isn't it kinda sad that the daughter-in-law feels suffocated by all these rules? i mean, don't get me wrong, i love my in-laws too much and wanna make sure they're happy but geez

and omg another thing, what's with tipping bartenders at weddings?! like, can't u just leave a small bill on the counter or something? don't need to make it all formal and awkward

anywayz, i think dear abby is kinda right though , moms can be super protective of their kids but that doesn't mean they gotta control every single move

omg can u believe this controlling mom-in-law is literally suffocating her daughter-in-law the fact that she's dictating what she can and can't do with their toddler grandson is just sad. like, isn't it a parent's job to let go a bit and trust their child? and dear abby thinks she might be doing it because she's afraid her son loves others more than her... that's some deep-seated insecurity right there

the whole idea of 'permission' from grandma is kinda messed up lol ... like her son's kid needs boundaries, not a red tape to navigate thru

and what's with the tipping conundrum? can't we just be genuine about showing appreciation for someone's service without setting up some awkward jar thingy

and btw, hosts leaving extra food as 'an offering' is a nice touch ... but let's not forget to return the favor, right?

Ugh , controlling mothers are the WORST ... I mean, who needs permission to play with their own kid? It's just a red flag for emotional abuse . If your partner's mom is spoiling them rotten and then dictating what they can and can't do with their child, that's some major concern signs . Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not doing enough or that you need permission to be a good parent ... just set boundaries and prioritize your own mental health .

I feel so bad for the grandma, it's like she's missing out on bonding with her grandkid because of her controlling behavior... but at the same time, I get why she might be worried about losing her connection with them - kids can grow up so fast! Maybe a compromise would work? Like setting some boundaries and respecting each other's space?

I'm so done with controlling grandparents ... like what's the point of having a grandchild if you can't even let them have some independence? My own grandma used to be super strict, but she also loved me unconditionally and supported my every move (most of the time ). It seems like this mom is just trying too hard to keep her son and grandson close, but in the process, she's suffocating her daughter-in-law. I get it, as a parent, you want what's best for your child, but sometimes letting go is the best thing you can do ...

Wow these stories are relatable, you know? controlling moms can be super tough to deal with... I mean, who wants someone else deciding what's best for their kid, right? but at the same time, i get where dearabby is coming from - sometimes moms just wanna protect their kids and make sure they're safe. interesting how people approach tipping bartenders though... some guests might not want to be all up in a bartender's face

Ugh, controlling mom-in-laws ... I mean, I get where Dear Abby is coming from, but can't the moms just chill? Like, I know being a grandma and all, but spoiling the grandkid to death isn't cool, you feel? And then the daughter-in-law has to ask for permission to do basic stuff with her own kid?! That's some major helicopter parent vibes . On the other hand, I can see why the mom would wanna keep things close with her son and grandkid – family is everything, right? Still, it's gotta be a balance, you know? Can't just suffocate everyone in the process .

controlling moms can be super draining on their adult kids... i mean, who needs permission to play with their own grandkid? it's like, isn't that what the goal of being a grandma is - to spoil and love the little one unconditionally? also, I feel bad for the daughter-in-law, she sounds super overwhelmed.

I'm literally so done with controlling mamas like this ! I mean, can't they just chill for a second? It's like, hello, your kid is old enough to make their own decisions now! And don't even get me started on the bartender situation – what's wrong with people wanting to show appreciation for good service? Just be discreet and you're golden . And can we talk about potlucks for a sec? Asking for leftovers is not rude at all, it's just basic politeness!

The whole thing with this controlling grandma is so extra . Like, can't she just chill? The daughter-in-law sounds totally stressed and suffocated by all these rules and restrictions. I mean, what's next? Asking permission to breathe? And the idea that the mom is doing it because she's afraid her son loves others more than her... please . It's not about being protective, it's about controlling behavior. Anyway, back to more relatable stuff...

Ugh I feel so bad for the poor grandma she's being super controlling and suffocating her daughter-in-law it's like, hello lady, you can't control every interaction between your grandkid and his mom that's just not healthy or respectful. And yeah I get what Dear Abby is saying about mothers being overly protective but that doesn't excuse grandma's behavior . It's all about setting boundaries and respecting each other's space .