Dear Abby: Mother keeps a tight rein on boy and his grandma

A controlling grandma's grip on her grandson can be suffocating for others in his life, including the boy's own mother.

The young mother is at her wit's end as she tries to navigate her relationship with her daughter-in-law while also keeping a close eye on her toddler grandson. However, it appears that her daughter has taken matters into her own hands, dictating every aspect of the boy's life and interactions, leaving little room for anyone else.

The controlling grandma insists that everything is "no" when it comes to spending time with her grandson, from toys to TV time to outdoor adventures. She even goes so far as to dictate what snacks he can have, citing her own generosity in buying him toys. But while she may see this as a display of love and care, others might view it as an attempt to exert control over the boy's life.

Abby, the advice columnist, takes a firm stance on this issue, suggesting that the controlling grandma needs to accept her daughter-in-law's "house rules" if she wants to have a meaningful relationship with her grandson. It's a tough pill for many people to swallow, but perhaps it's necessary in order for the boy to develop healthy boundaries and relationships with those around him.

On a separate note, a reader in Nevada is seeking advice on whether it's acceptable to tip a bartender who will be paid a handsome salary by the company that employs them. Abby advises against it, suggesting that leaving a tip jar at the bar would be "tacky." Instead, the reader should stick to tipping the bartender privately.

Meanwhile, another reader in Washington is wondering if it's rude to ask for leftover food from a potluck without offering to take some back for the host. Abby suggests that it's not only acceptable but also considerate to ask permission before taking home someone else's contribution, especially if it's perishable. However, she does advise leaving a portion of her own food for the host if they'd like.

As always, Dear Abby's advice is practical and down-to-earth, tackling issues from relationships to social etiquette with her signature wit and charm.

I gotta say, I'm all about setting boundaries, especially when it comes to our loved ones getting a little too hands-on . Like, I get it, grandma loves her grandson and wants the best for him, but sometimes that means stepping back and letting others in his life take the reins.

I mean, can you imagine being stuck with a toddler who's constantly surrounded by only one person? That's gotta be draining . And let's be real, the mom is already juggling a million things on her plate, so the last thing she needs is grandma breathing down her neck all the time.

It's time for grandma to chill out and trust that her daughter-in-law knows what's best for her grandson . After all, it's not about grandma's generosity or love; it's about giving the kid space to develop his own interests and relationships outside of just mom and grandma .

I feel so bad for the young mom, stuck in the middle with her controlling grandma. Like, what even is "house rules" when it comes to your own grandkid? Can't she just chill out and let others have a say? On the other hand, I kinda get why the grandma wants to exert control - it's probably because she loves her grandson so much, but that doesn't mean she has to suffocate him with rules. And Abby is right, boundaries are important, even for grandmas! ‍‍

I feel so bad for the poor mom, gotta be at her wit's end dealin' with her own mom-in-law's drama . I mean, I get it, love is love, but sometimes you gotta let your kid breathe, you know? It's not about bein' mean or anythin', it's just about givin' the little dude some space to make his own choices and learn from his mistakes .

And Abby's right, too, maybe it's time for grandma to chill out a bit and let her daughter take charge . I think it's great that Abby's all about healthy boundaries, 'cause that's what kids need most – the freedom to be themselves without someone else's expectations weighin' them down .

And can we talk about how tacky it is when you leave a tip jar at a bar? Like, what's up with that? Just stick to tippin' the bartender privately, 'kay? . But hey, if you wanna take some leftover food from a potluck, just ask first, like Abby said – considerate and all that jazz .

I'm telling you, back in my day... we didn't need some controlling grandma dictating every aspect of our kid's life. My own mom was always super involved, but it was more like she wanted what was best for us, not just trying to control us. These days, it seems like some grandmas can be a bit too hands-on. I get where Abby is coming from, though - kids need to learn how to set boundaries and make their own decisions. But sometimes, I think these controlling grandmas are just coming from a place of love, even if it's not the healthiest way to show it. As for tipping bartenders who get paid a good salary... isn't that like paying them twice? It just doesn't seem right. And on the potluck thing... yeah, I can see how asking without offering something in return could be seen as tacky. Leaving some of your own food for the host is definitely a nice touch.

You know when you're in this situation where you feel like you're caught between two people who just want what's best for the kid... but it's not always easy, right? I mean, this controlling grandma's got some good intentions, but she's gotta learn to trust her daughter-in-law and give her some space. The thing is, boundaries are important, especially when it comes to relationships. If you're too tight on someone, they can't breathe, you know? It's all about finding that balance. And I think that's what this situation is all about - learning to let go and trust others to do the right thing.

And then there's this whole tipping conundrum... it's funny how we get stuck on things like that, isn't it? But I guess what Abby said makes sense. It's not really about the bartender getting a nice chunk of cash, but more about showing appreciation for their hard work. And yeah, asking permission before taking food is just basic courtesy, you know? It's all about being considerate and respectful towards others.

omg u gotta feel bad 4 that grandma tho she sounds super clingy n controlling rn... like, i get it, u wanna spend time w ur grandkid but there's a diff between loving them & suffocating them . its so important 4 the little dude 2 develop his own boundaries n stuff, n that means not havin grandma dictate every aspect of his life.

nother thing, tipping bartenders is weird rn... like, dont get me wrong, i think they deserve tips but leavin a tip jar @ the bar is just tacky . jus stick 2 tipping them privately, ya feel? n also, askin 4 leftover food at a potluck is pretty considerate, but u gotta check w/ the host first, no pressure!

OMG what's up with all these controlling grandmas lately ? Like I remember when my grandma used to make me wear socks with sandals just 'cause . Anywayz, it's super unfair to the kid's mom that she's gotta navigate this whole situation while her own mom is trying to dictate everythin' about her grandson's life. It's like, hello girl, set boundaries and respect each other's space! And can we talk about how tacky it is to leave a tip jar at the bar? Like what, are people just gonna take whatever they want without askin'? And on a separate note, I love that Abby says it's okay to ask for leftovers from a potluck if you're polite about it. Just don't forget to bring some back for the host, y'know?

OMG you guys I just read this article about a controlling grandma who thinks she's being all mom to her grandson but really she's just suffocating everyone around him . Like come on grandma chill out you don't have to dictate every single thing he does or wants. That's not love that's control. And the worst part is his own mom is at her wit's end trying to navigate their relationship while also keeping an eye on him. I feel for her .

And can we talk about tipping bartenders? Like what even is the deal with this? Abby thinks it's tacky to leave a tip jar out but why not just be considerate and ask permission first? And if you do decide to take some food from a potluck, at least offer to bring some back for the host. It's all about being respectful and considering others .

I swear I've seen this grandma scenario play out before in my own family . You gotta draw boundaries and let people make their own choices. That way everyone wins!

OMG, this grandma thing is soooooo messed up! Like, I get that she wants what's best for her grandson, but taking over like that? No cap . It's not even about the stuff, it's about respecting boundaries and letting others have a say in his life too . The mom needs to set some limits and make grandma see things from her perspective, you feel? And Abby is totally right, gotta give the grandma space to chill and not be so controlling .

OMG, I gotta say, controlling grandmas are a whole thing . Like, I get that they want the best for their kid, but sometimes it feels like they're suffocating them instead. I mean, who needs to dictate what toys or TV time the kid gets? It's called letting go, grandma! And snacks? C'mon, those are just snacks, not life or death decisions. But seriously, it's up to the parents to set boundaries and teach their kids how to make healthy choices.

And don't even get me started on tipping at bars . I mean, if you can afford to tip your bartender a decent amount without getting paid by the company, then yes, leave some cash in that tip jar! It's all about showing appreciation for good service. But if you're worried about being seen as tacky, just ask your server how they'd prefer you to show your appreciation and stick to it.

Oh, and lastly, potlucks are all about sharing . If you want some leftover food, just ask the host if it's cool with them first. Don't be like a sneaky snack thief . And remember, leave a little something for your host so they know you're appreciative of their effort. Simple, right?

I feel so bad for the mom and grandma, they're both stuck in this tough situation . I think it's super reasonable that the grandma wants to spend quality time with her grandson, but maybe she could try being more open-minded about letting others join in on the fun? Like, a joint playdate with grandma and his mom would be awesome . And to the bartender reader, tipping is just a way of showing appreciation for good service, so yeah, leave that tip jar at the bar . The potluck question makes sense too, just ask permission first, no big deal

omg this grandma is lowkey suffocating that lil boy she thinks controlling his life is love lol nope it's just control 4eva! gotta let the mom take the reins for once u feel? & btw why is tipping a bartender at work still a thing? idk about ppl who think its impolite but like, thats their job lol leave the tip jar at home and btw if u r askin bout leftover potluck food dont be rude just ask permission or offer 2 take some back ur not entitled 2 everything

I think this grandma thing is super messed up. It's one thing to want to spend time with your grandkids, but taking over their life like that? No way. The kid needs some space to develop his own interests and friendships, not just be controlled by his grandma all the time. And honestly, it's gonna affect his relationships with others too - his mom, other family members... it's a big mess. Maybe she should just chill out a bit and let her daughter-in-law have some control for once?

I'm tellin' ya, this controlling grandma thing got me thinkin'. I mean, she's tryin' to exert control over her grandson's life, but it's just gonna backfire. She's essentially bein' a helicopter parent, but for the wrong reasons. If she wants to have a good relationship with her grandson, she needs to chill out and let his own mom handle things. I've seen this happen before, where people try to control every aspect of someone else's life, and it ends up pushin' them away.

And what's with the "no" thing? Is she worried that her grandson is gonna get a wild imagination or somethin'? It's just ridiculous. And don't even get me started on the snacks... I mean, if she's buyin' him toys, why can't he have some decent snacks too?

I'm not sure what Abby was thinkin', but I guess it's good that she's tryin' to help. Maybe this grandma needs a reality check or somethin'.

omg I'm literally dyin over this grandma situation she's so extra like no toy? no TV time? what even is that?? I feel bad for the little dude, he needs space to breathe, you know? his mom's already stressed enough tryna keep her and the toddler happy but at least Abby said somethin positive - teachin' healthy boundaries is key

omg I feel so bad for that little guy his mom is trying but the grandma's being super overbearing it's like she thinks she owns the kid lol . and can u believe she's dictating what snacks he can have? like, hello snack time is not a dictatorship . idk how that grandma's daughter-in-law copes with all this controlling behavior . but yeah I guess if they want to avoid drama, she should just accept the house rules and let the kid have some space .

I think it's so unfair when parents or grandparents overstep their boundaries and try to control every aspect of a child's life. It's like, okay grandma you love your grandson but can't you just chill out for once? I mean I get it, as a grandparent you want the best for him but taking away his toys and dictating what he eats is not going to do anything good for him. He needs space to make his own choices and learn how to problem solve. And honestly if grandma wants to spend time with her grandson she should be able to set boundaries too, like saying "okay I'm only staying over on weekends" or something. It's all about balance you know?

OMG you guys! I'm literally dying over this controlling grandma situation . Like, I get it, she wants the best for her grandson, but newsflash: having a say in EVERYTHING he does is NOT loving, it's suffocating! The mom's right to set boundaries and have some control over her own relationship with her daughter-in-law is NOT being selfish, it's being self-preservation. And trust me, this little dude needs to learn how to make his own decisions and set healthy boundaries ASAP .

I feel so bad for that young mom, she's just trying to do what's best for her son but it sounds like her grandma is being super clingy . It's great that Abby is saying the grandma needs to chill out and let others in on the fun . Kids need boundaries and friends, not just one person controlling everything around them .

And can we talk about tipping at bars? I mean, if you're gonna leave a tip jar there it's just tacky . But leaving private tips or even contributing to one is a nice gesture . And when it comes to potlucks, asking for leftovers but not offering any back can be super rude . Just ask first and you're good to go!