Feeling disconnected in a crowded world: How to nurture friendships even when life gets busy.
For many of us, the past year has felt like an endless cycle of work, gym, sleep and repeat. Add to that the gloomy weather and the desire to hide away, and it's no wonder our social lives have taken a hit. I'm guilty too - with friends who are active on group chats, you'd think I wouldn't be feeling lonely at all.
But, as Don Martin, author of the new audiobook Where Did Everybody Go?, explains, loneliness is simply defined as the gap between what we want and what we get in terms of connection. Even people with busy social lives can feel isolated if they're not getting quality time or intimacy.
Martin himself used to confuse being really busy with feeling socially fulfilled. "I'd confused being really busy with being socially fulfilled," he says. Instead, we need to be proactive and flexible about our interactions. It's a mindset shift that requires us to think creatively about how we connect with others.
So, what are some ways to shake up your social routine? Here are six ideas I tried out for two weeks:
**Send a voice note instead of a text**
I live alone and work from home, so I usually have multiple WhatsApp threads going at once. The conversations can be great, but they're also a distraction. One morning, my friend asked how my day was going via text, but instead of replying with a short message, I sent her a voice note. It's a simple act that made me feel more connected to her.
**Or make a video call**
Video calls can be intimidating if you're not used to them, but they can also be incredibly fulfilling. When my friend and I finally had our first video call, it felt like no time had passed at all. We chatted for 20 minutes and even got to see each other's cute dogs.
**Set up a regular standing plan**
I've always been great at saying yes when friends invite me out, but since moving back into my parents' house, I haven't made much of an effort to meet up with them. That was until I remembered what Don Martin says: "Regular connection with somebody makes whatever comes next a little easier to deal with". So, I suggested we have a weekly video call and even started playing social football games together.
**Carve out time to play**
I love playing board games with friends, but it's hard to find people who share that interest. Inspired by Don Martin's Animal Crossing experience, I decided to try online versions of my favorite board games. It was actually really fun and more restorative than staring at my computer screen.
**Send a 'thinking-of-you' text**
We all get busy, and sometimes our loved ones need a little reminder they're on our minds. Instead of sending constant texts or even just one quick message, I decided to send my friend a longer, more thoughtful note.
**Or ask to text less**
Consistency is great, but sometimes we need to take control of how much communication we're doing. By having an "agenda" for when we next meet up, we can make sure our conversations are meaningful and enjoyable.
After two weeks of experimenting with these ideas, I'm struck by how much more connected I feel to my friends. We all have different lives, but by being proactive and flexible about our interactions, we can find ways to stay in touch even when life gets busy.
For many of us, the past year has felt like an endless cycle of work, gym, sleep and repeat. Add to that the gloomy weather and the desire to hide away, and it's no wonder our social lives have taken a hit. I'm guilty too - with friends who are active on group chats, you'd think I wouldn't be feeling lonely at all.
But, as Don Martin, author of the new audiobook Where Did Everybody Go?, explains, loneliness is simply defined as the gap between what we want and what we get in terms of connection. Even people with busy social lives can feel isolated if they're not getting quality time or intimacy.
Martin himself used to confuse being really busy with feeling socially fulfilled. "I'd confused being really busy with being socially fulfilled," he says. Instead, we need to be proactive and flexible about our interactions. It's a mindset shift that requires us to think creatively about how we connect with others.
So, what are some ways to shake up your social routine? Here are six ideas I tried out for two weeks:
**Send a voice note instead of a text**
I live alone and work from home, so I usually have multiple WhatsApp threads going at once. The conversations can be great, but they're also a distraction. One morning, my friend asked how my day was going via text, but instead of replying with a short message, I sent her a voice note. It's a simple act that made me feel more connected to her.
**Or make a video call**
Video calls can be intimidating if you're not used to them, but they can also be incredibly fulfilling. When my friend and I finally had our first video call, it felt like no time had passed at all. We chatted for 20 minutes and even got to see each other's cute dogs.
**Set up a regular standing plan**
I've always been great at saying yes when friends invite me out, but since moving back into my parents' house, I haven't made much of an effort to meet up with them. That was until I remembered what Don Martin says: "Regular connection with somebody makes whatever comes next a little easier to deal with". So, I suggested we have a weekly video call and even started playing social football games together.
**Carve out time to play**
I love playing board games with friends, but it's hard to find people who share that interest. Inspired by Don Martin's Animal Crossing experience, I decided to try online versions of my favorite board games. It was actually really fun and more restorative than staring at my computer screen.
**Send a 'thinking-of-you' text**
We all get busy, and sometimes our loved ones need a little reminder they're on our minds. Instead of sending constant texts or even just one quick message, I decided to send my friend a longer, more thoughtful note.
**Or ask to text less**
Consistency is great, but sometimes we need to take control of how much communication we're doing. By having an "agenda" for when we next meet up, we can make sure our conversations are meaningful and enjoyable.
After two weeks of experimenting with these ideas, I'm struck by how much more connected I feel to my friends. We all have different lives, but by being proactive and flexible about our interactions, we can find ways to stay in touch even when life gets busy.
u dont gotta be always available 24/7, just make time for ppl u care bout & get creative w/ how u do it 
like sendin voice notes or playin online games together 
. We've got social media, group chats, and video calls that make it easy to stay in touch with friends, but they can also be super draining and superficial at the same time 
.
. It's all about finding ways to shake up our routines and prioritize meaningful conversations 
.
. And when we do meet up, I make sure it's not just about catching up on small talk – I want our conversations to be more substantial and fulfilling 
. But hey, at least we've got the internet to help us fake it till we make it 
.
... I'm guilty too of feeling disconnected just because my friends are super active on group chats, but at the end of the day, we're still human beings who need quality time together 
. I've been trying to make more video calls with my friends who live far away, it's actually really great and feels so much more personal than a text or phone call 
... and those voice notes you sent instead of texts are genius! 
. Like, I get that life can be overwhelming but we need to make an effort to nurture those friendships even when things are crazy 
. And honestly, sometimes just taking a minute to send a voice note or make a video call can feel like a huge difference 
.
. Life gets so busy, and I get it, sometimes you just wanna hide away 
️. But, honestly, feeling disconnected from friends is like having a gap between what u want & what u need 
. It's not about how many ppl u hang out with, but whether ur interactions are meaningful 
. Just because we're busy doesn't mean we can't make time for people who matter 
. Like sending voice notes instead of texts or scheduling regular video calls 
. We don't have to be perfect, just genuine & present 
.
. I've been there too, where u feel like you're constantly on the go, but inside, ur dying for some human connection 
.